Two active-duty military pilots. Three daughters under seven. One calendar that never stops changing. For a long time, this felt like a math problem my wife and I couldn’t figure out how to solve.
When we told our squadron they were getting two pilots, the reality was they were often only getting one. Our girls were sick almost every month from on-base care, and there was always that quiet guilt of rearranging their lives around unpredictable schedules and last-minute changes. It felt like I was constantly being pulled between my family and my squadron, facing the impossible challenge to show up for either the way I wanted to. When my wife came across the au pair program, it felt like someone finally solved the equation for us. Not a babysitter, not a daycare, but someone who felt like family – adapting to our schedule and under the same roof when our lives inevitably change at the last minute.
The au pair program allows American families to a host a young adult from abroad for a cultural exchange opportunity. Regulated by the U.S. Department of State, families are required to provide room, board, and a weekly stipend and receive up to 45 hours of childcare a week. As we began the matching process, it was important for us to be transparent about the flexibility our family requires. With both my wife and me on full-time active duty, we needed someone we could trust to help care for our girls whenever one of us might be away.
Limited childcare access is a problem for many Alabama families, with 60% of the state living in a “childcare desert,” an area where the amount of children outnumber the available childcare slots. Because of this, Alabama families are forced to drive long distances, adjust their daily routines just to be able to get to work, or make heavy sacrifices to ensure their children are safe and cared for. For military-affiliated families, traditional childcare options are often not feasible because work schedules rarely fit within the standard 9-to-5 hours most daycare centers operate. Today, nearly 1 in 8 families hosting an au pair are military-connected
My wife and I couldn’t imagine our lives without the au pair program – and honestly, even if we didn’t have a need for the flexible childcare, we would still continue hosting. Our current au pair, Tamara from Hungary, has become an older sister to our girls. As life in an active-duty military household can be nonstop, she provides the dependable presence and companionship our girls need. We have noticed a real change in our girls – they are happier, more settled, and able to stay in the comfort of their own home rather than being shuffled around to various caretakers when we aren’t able to be there. The monthly sick days have all but disappeared. We don’t spend our mornings scrambling for drop-offs or our afternoons worrying about pickup windows. That time goes back to our family.
Frequent relocations are a reality for many military families, and our family recently moved to a new base in Alabama. New neighbors, new schools, and new friends can feel daunting. Having Tami with us during that transition made the move feel manageable. She watched the girls through the packing process, helped them adjust to the new house, and was a familiar face as they settled into a new city. We didn’t have to worry about childcare waitlists or rebuilding our support system from scratch.
Welcoming an au pair into our home meant new traditions, new recipes, and new stories around our dinner table. Our first au pair came to us from Columbia. Our girls were learning Spanish while my wife and I learned new cooking techniques. She introduced our daughters to a real Columbian birthday celebration, blasting music at midnight and dancing around. Now, Tami is sharing Hungarian words, introducing us to new foods, and showing us how traditional holidays are celebrated on the other side of the world.
I recently travelled to D.C. to speak to Senator Katie Britt’s office about my family’s experience with the au pair program. I thank Senator Britt for advocating for this program – taking steps to ensure it can continue to serve as a lifeline for so many military families in need of reliable childcare. However, military family or not, I believe all families could benefit from the au pair program. It provides children with the consistency and flexibility that traditional childcare options cannot match. It is a trusted presence in your home rather than a drop-off and a wave goodbye.
Matthew Case lives in Prattville, Alabama and is a host dad through Cultural Care Au Pair.